Welcome to "Stewardess Rants & Raves" – a blogging vent sessions based on my bizarre life as a flight attendant. Read about how I deal with the general public in one of the most stressful situations – air travel. Please forgive me in advance for my sarcasm.
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I needed a bottle of Jack Daniels after this flight. It was supposed to be a great day. I was working with my good friend, nothing was going to ruin our day. Eh, wrong.
Dreadlock after dreadlock they boarded our flight. There were 9 passengers total with some serious dreadlocks! Hair that looked like birds and mice were living in them. Not pretty dreadlocks. Are there even pretty dreadlocks?
I guess the religious kid on Glee has nice dreadlocks, but maybe that is just an illusion since he isn’t dirty and smelly like this particular group was.
Anyway, the last of the dreads to board was literally frickin’ Jack Sparrow himself – from Pirates of the Caribbean. And not Johnny Depp style – image the smelly sewer rat version of that.
He had a pirate’s hat made out of some sort of brown animal. It had bones sticking out of it. He was wearing multiple layers of ripped up clothing. He had a skull bones bandana around his matted mess of hair. His backpack was clanking from the pots and pans hanging from it. He must’ve had five containers hanging on this pack. Everything about this guy screamed filthy.
But I had no right to judge based on this.
I didn’t like him for other reasons.
This weirdo came on dancing and shaking the plane. His dirty-fingernail hands grabbed the overhead bins and he was rocking the plane. The other passengers (thank God for normal people) were looking at me like, "Help us!". Their eyes were the bugged out – giving me a desperate look. I knew they didn’t like this guy.
Ok, something needed to be done about this lovely passenger of ours.
Now we can’t just kick people off for no good reason (although I am sure you think we do it all the time – aka Alec Baldwin Playing Angry Birds and College Girl Wearing Skimpy Clothes). But we can’t.
Wanting to get a feel for this guy myself, I walked up to him, asked him if he was excited about his trip, and no answer. He just gave me a freaky, creepy, chills-down-the-spine death stare like he was going to slaughter me and eat me over a fire in the woods where he lived.
Aren’t hippies supposed to be nice?
Not being nice still wasn’t a reason to not fly with us. Heck, we have about 10 of those people on EVERY flight. But freaking out the other passengers and not obeying our rules is a reason.
But I was feeling nice today. No reason to kick people off for nonsense. I decided if he kept to himself and didn’t cause any more of a scene, then he could fly. He didn’t want to be here, we didn’t want him there… could this flight just hurry up already?
The entire flight this dude was winning the creepiest person I’ve ever encountered award. I honestly don’t know if he was on drugs or just lived in the woods for too long, but he was BY FAR the creepiest person I’d ever met. I can’t even begin to describe the weird un-humanly things this guy did.
Mr. Jack Sparrow made this a flight to remember. His mannerisms and freak-fest was one I will never forget. His evil eyes are implanted into my mind forever. Jack Sparrow is one hippie that I pray I NEVER run into again. Maybe he will find he never wants to fly again either, because it didn’t seem like he wanted to in the first place.
Conclusion: Aren’t hippies supposed to be love and peace? Not creepy and dirty?
Disclosure: I want to let you in on a little piece of my life, and this is why I am starting this feature. I hope you enjoy my stories… with a grain of salt of course! My travel stories are in no way a reflection on my employer.